Things that make me feel old

Part Un
A couple of weeks ago, I walked in to Hot Topic in the mall. I knew I was asking for it, but I was ready to shell out more cash on a Napoleon Dynamite shirt than I would for a pair of shoes and wanted to see what styles they had.

After perusing the Tater tees, I checked out their wall of band shirts. I had just spotted a pretty sweet Franz Ferdinand shirt when a clerk came up to me and very politely told me "The wall with the older bands is on that side."

I stared at her pierced face and thought three things simultaneously: Do I really look that old? Excuse me - I happen to own the Franz Ferdinand, Modest Mouse and Yeah Yeah Yeah CDs. But the last, most embarrassing part, was that I was confused as to how she knew that I coveted a Led Zeppelin or Morrison Hotel shirt, both of which were prominently displayed on the second wall.

I just smiled and nodded and feigned interested in some of the newer shirts until a respectable amount of time had passed before I could journey to the "Old People's Wall."

Part Dos
Let me preface this by saying I. DO. NOT. WANT. ONE. (for now.) Everyone has babies but me. Just saying. Even pop-tartlets that should have been fixed at birth before they spread their bare-foot-in-a-parking-lot ways have something going on. It seems like most of our friends are popping these suckers out.

We've decided to wait until we're more financially secure to start reproducing (read: we want to spend more money on ourselves and do cool "adult" stuff before we have babies) We definitely want some, I've even talked Pants into having more than one, just not right now. However pressure is coming in.

In much the same way a couple of years ago when all of our friends were getting married, they have all turned to creating life.

We have dogs. We love our dogs. We feed, bathe, and clothe our dogs. Well, Pants feeds them everyday while I slumber and work. I do that other stuff.

Sometimes I wonder what on Earth we'd do with a kid. The main thing pregnancy has going for it right now, in my eyes, is that I get to get super fat and it's OK. The bad side: I'm super fat and will probably run into stuff. Also, once you have a kid, contrary to popular thought in our state, it's not a thing you can take back or just give away if it's too inconvenient.

Mom calls and says all of her friends have real grandkids pictures to show off, when will she be getting hers? I think she's just praying we have 'em before my younger brother and his trampy gal-pal have their illegitimate first.

Well, bad news for her and all of our friends who want to only talk booties: You'll have to settle for our dogs, for now. We'll have babies when we're good and ready, and in the meantime we'll spoil yours and teach them naughty words.